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Writer's pictureSpider-Plush

Marvel is screwed. (the news)

WORLD NEWS:


  • WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

  • tomorrow's 4th of July


MEDIA NEWS:


  • Joe Kelly is gonna be the new writer of Amazing Spider-Man, which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't instantly decide to write a story titled "8 DEATHS OF SPIDER-MAN"

The latest Spider-Boy Story says this "Spider-Man will return and DIE in 8 Deaths of Spider-Man", and this can only mean one thing.... PETER PARKER IS GONNA DIE.


Is this a big deal? YES, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE SKY IS RED IN THAT PICTURE? Also, Marvel is killing their flagship character. I mean, sure, he could come back, but what if it's permanent this time? i don't think he could survive 8 deaths.


The title says "8 Deaths" but the story is 10 issues long... How does that work? Is he gonna die 2 more times? Are those 2 extra issues just gonna show his autopsy, funeral and his corpse rotting? I don't know, do you think i can see the future?


Can we just go back to having fun stories of Spider-Man fighting villains and Peter trying to live his life? I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE DAMN STORYLINES WHERE BIG THINGS HAPPEN.


And now, I will attempt to predict all 8 deaths of Spider-Man.


  1. He's gonna stub his toe really hard.

  2. a bunch of random civilians are gonna beat his ass because of a misunderstanding.

  3. uncle ben's killer is coming back as a zombie and he's shooting spider-man.

  4. another fucking spider-verse event and morlun's gonna kill spider-man.

  5. someone wrote his name in the Death Note.

  6. He's gonna get fucked to death by a certain succubus.

  7. He's gonna try the Paqui One Chip Challenge.

  8. Natural causes.


One of these actually happened in a comic, guess which one (Hint: It wasn't even in a Spider-Man comic)


That's all the media news.


Site News:


  • I recently announced the 4 Year Anniversary story, it'll be titled "My Cool Epic Quest" and i'll share plot details later maybe

  • Announced yesterday, "The Duck Knight Returns", based on the hit web-series Über Duck by skull902.


That's it, go away.



UP NEXT: i have no clue


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