Back in June of 1962, a company called Marvel Comics released the 15th issue of the Amazing Fantasy comic magazine. The cover depicted a man in a red and blue costume swinging with a web, this is Spider-Man... Wait a sec, if the comic came out in June, then why is Spider-Man day on August 1st? I have no clue.
Welcome to the Spider-Man day special of 2024, i'm gonna talk about all sorts of cool things, it's gonna be fun!
Chapter 1: The History of Spider-Man, explained by a moron.
Believe it or not, the guy that talks about superheroes on the internet all day knows the amazing story of Spider-Man. and I'm gonna tell you his entire story right here and right now... (Ok, maybe not the entire story...)
You may think that Spider-Man is just another silly superhero book for kids, but the Spider-Man Fanbase is full of 50-year-old man-babies, dumbass teenagers and movie directors.
Now, even if someone tells you the entire story of Spider-Man, i believe that you should read the original comic books, they're really good.
Most people skip over his origin story but i'm not like most people, so here's the story of Amazing Fantasy #15
Midtown High. (heh, mid) There's a bunch of teenagers talking about how they need one more guy for an upcoming dance, lucky for them, Peter Parker is there looking all miserable and shit, and the kids think "Maybe we could ask Peter Parker if he wants to go" but some girl just says "Nah Peter's a goofy ahh bookworm"
Peter hears that and makes a sad puppy face.
Peter lives with his Aunt May and Uncle Ben, and he's all happy and shit and they're all happy and together and all that jazz.
He tries to rizz up a girl named Sally but it doesn't work because Peter has no rizz game... Yet.
Sally, Flash Thompson and like 30 other guys get in a car and drive off because teenagers in the 60s could drive. Nowadays all teenagers just know skibidi toilets, gyatts, mewing, fanum taxes and ohios...
So anyways, Peter just goes to a science demonstration where the scientists are testing a new radioactive gizmo. BUT while testing it, a normal monday-to-friday regular-ass spider gets irradiated and falls on Peter's hand, and the spider just bites peter, bites a girl named Cindy Moon, gets eaten by some guy, somehow survives getting eaten and learns how to talk. (Btw Jessica Jones was there but we didn't see her)
Peter starts to feel like absolute garbage and leaves the science demonstration, not because he's feeling sick, but because science is boring as fuck, and no one gives a shit.
While jaywalking, Peter almost gets run over but he jumps and somehow sticks to the wall. Peter is like "wtf how did i do that" and some kid is there watching and he's like "wtf how did he do that?" and his mom is like "my kid's crazy, i need to stop showing him horror movies"
Peter crumbles some tube and he's like "wow that's pretty cool, i think the spider just gave me powers... neat"
Peter thinks about what he's gonna do with his awesome powers, and there just so happens that there's a sign that says "IF YOU LAST MORE THAN 5 MINUTES WITH CRUSHER HOGAN, YOU WIN 100 BUCKS" and peter's like "OH BOY 100 BUCKS" and makes a stupid ass disguise with a rag and some clothes from his local goodwill.
He enters the ring and Crusher Hogan is like "What the fuck, you look stupid" and Peter absolutely kicks his ass and owns him and he wins 100 bucks.
There's a guy watching and he's like "wow this guy is pretty cool, i should hire him, i'm not gonna ask to see his face or learn his name or anything, but he's 100% hired." and he just goes and hires Peter, he doesn't ask to see his face or learn his name or anything.
Peter goes home and makes a costume that is red and blue and has a web pattern, and he calls himself... SPIDERMAN, no hyphen yet. He also came up with the idea of wrist gadgets that shoot webs. His web formula costs like 2000 dollars (In the Ultimate Universe, the formula costs 80 dollars, and the webs are green for some reason)
and this is the coolest shit ever.
It looks like things are going great for Pete, he has a successful TV show with 5 star ratings, he got a new microscope (in 1998's Spider-Man: Chapter One, he gets a supercomputer instead of a microscope, meaning that if they tried to modernize AF15 again, Peter would get a video game console, or a smartphone.)
Yeah, things are looking bright for Mr Parker... UNTIL ONE FATEFUL NIGHT, after his regular TV show, a (not so) random crook runs past him, and Spider-Man does the amazing feat of... not stopping him and letting him get away, and Spidey thinks "yeah i'm sure i'll never see that guy again"
Peter is going home, all happy and shit because he's making a lot of money, but his happiness wouldn't last for long, you see, there's a police car in front of his home, and he instantly runs towards the nearest officer and asks what happened.
The officer is just like "Your uncle got shot." and Peter is like "nooooo" and just goes to his room, changes into his Spider-Man clothes, sneaks out of his house and only one person sees him (SPOILERS: it's Mary Jane.)
The killer of Uncle Ben is hiding at the Acme warehouse... Just checked, and Acme warehouses do exist.
And Spider-Man is like "YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU KILLED MY UNCLE IM GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU" and he proceeds to beat the shit out of the burglar. But in the process of kicking his ass, he discovers that the killer of uncle ben is the guy that ran past him that one time.
Peter is like "I'm such an idiot" and cries while walking home.
And a lean, silent figure slowly fades into the gathering darkness, aware at last that in this world, with great power, there must also come great responsibility!
And so, a legend is born, and a new name is added to the roster of those who make the world of fantasy the most exciting realm of all!
The last page of the comic tells the reader to wait for the next issue of Amazing Fantasy, but that issue just never came, and Spider-Man was never seen again... Which is a shame, because they had already written, drawn and colored 4 more stories... Damn, wonder what they're gonna do with those...
What's this? Spider-Man is getting his own comic series? THAT'S AMAZING! I'll be there on day one!
Yes, AF15 and the Spider-Man story was such a hit that he got his own comic series about him and him only.
What's the first issue about? Spider-Man visits the Fantastic Four, holy fucking shit, that sounds AWESOME, What else happens? He fights a guy that can change his look? HOW IS HE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS ONE? HOW DOES THE ISSUE END? The chameleon gets caught and Spider-Man runs away crying.
This issue marks the first appearance of J. Jonah Jameson, who writes a newspaper article calling Spider-Man a menace to society, which causes Spidey to lose his job as a TV cool dude.
Even after saving JJ's son, Spidey still can't win Jameson's respect.
Nothing ever goes well for poor Pete.
The next issues feature Spidey going up against his greatest foes, like Vulture, Tinkerer, Doctor Octopus, Sandman, DOCTOR FUCKING DOOM, The Lizard, THE LIVING BRAIN, Electro, the Enforcers, the Green Goblin, and his greatest foe... Getting clowned on!
Very early on, we see Peter Parker graduate high school and become an adult and all that, i think that's pretty neat, things are going well for him after like 20 issues.
He got a job selling pictures of Spider-Man to J. Jonah Jameson, and Peter's like "I'll keep selling these pics if you don't ask me how i got them" and Jonah is like "dude i don't fucking care how you got them here's 300 bucks give me more now" and i swear, this paper just keeps talking about Spider-Man and nothing else.
Spidey has gone through many things, like the death of many of his close ones, Aunt May getting sick every 4 minutes, losing his powers, getting his powers again, dying, coming back to life, getting cloned, Marvel going bankrupt, getting married in a comic and in real life, getting his secret identity revealed to the public which ultimately caused him to make a deal with the devil to make everyone forget that he's Spider-Man, getting mind swapped with Doc Ock and then dying, then coming back to life just in time for an event with 10000 other spider-men... You know, things that every human has gone through at least once.
Chapter 2: An explanation of Spider-Man's powers and weaknesses.
Yeah Spidey has powers like agility and super-strength and all that. But every superhero has that, so i'm gonna explain the cooler powers.
WALL-CRAWLING: He can stick to walls, and he's able to crawl on them... JUST LIKE A SPIDER. It's like he has thousands of mini suction-cups. However i have no clue as to how he can stick to walls while wearing gloves and socks...
WEBS: He has these gadgets that he uses to shoot webs, he stores the web fluid in these little cartridges that he inserts in this wrist thingy. The web can come out as either one of these 3 things:
From: Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1
SPIDER-SENSE: A weirdy feeling that makes Peter Parker sense when danger's nearby and he can also use this as a radar so he can guide himself in the dark. Artists depict this power with radiating lines to show something. The movies and cartoons depict this with a little sound.
Also from ASM Annual #1
IQ: Peter is really smart, he has an IQ of 250, but sometimes he's just stupid.
Chapter 3: The many Friends and Foes of Spider-Man... explained by a moron
I'm not gonna talk about everyone, if you wanna read an explanation of all of Spider-Man's Friends and Enemies, then go find a Marvel Encyclopedia or something like that.
Friends and family!!
Aunt May and Uncle Ben: They're like Peter's parents, except they're not his parents because his real parents died while working as secret agents.
They're just really nice old people that bake cookies and read newspapers and watch sports and stuff.
Uncle Ben is dead.
Aunt May is alive and literally can't die, every time she dies she just gets better and comes back to life.
Mary Jane Watson: She is Spider-Man's girlfriend.
She's also a supermodel and an actress and not a fucking news reporter. Please stop making her a news reporter, she's NOT Lois Lane.
She once married Spider-Man but then the unthinkable happened.
And she now loves this guy named Paul and thank god i don't care. Don't know what i would do if i started caring about what happens in funny nerdy picture books.
Harry Osborn: The son of Norman Osborn, and Peter's bestie and allat. He's really nice most of the time :)
Norman Osborn: A guy that owns a science company and is not evil in the slightest.
J. Jonah Jameson: Peter's boss and editor of The Daily Bugle, his son is an astronaut, neat.
Gwen Stacy: Peter's old girlfriend, who tragically died in the brooklyn/golden gate/i legit don't know anymore bridge. Which is a shame because she was so bad doe...
She has not been brought back in any way, not even in an alternate universe.
Miles Morales: he's Spider-Man from another world.... THE ULTIMATE UNIVERSE, the old peter parker died and he was replaced with a cooler guy.
FOES:
Green Goblin: THE EVILEST MAN IN THE WORLD, He looks like that one truck in Maximum Overdrive, and he uses a cool glider thing. Also he fucked Gwen Stacy... but it was not actually Gwen Stacy, and it was actually Quentin Beck, AKA Mysterio.
The Goblin's secret identity is... NORMAN OSBORN... holy shit, i never would've guessed.
He was also the main villain of the first good live action spider-man movie.
Doctor Octopus: What happens when you give an evil crazy genius some metal arms? You get an evil crazy genius with 4 metal arms, and this guy right here, is exactly that, Doctor Otto Octavius was just some scientist that was using radioactive stuff but it blew up and it fucked him up physically and mentally, he now has 4 tentacles that are attached to him forever and he's crazy and evil.
This guy was the main villain of a really good spider-man movie
Sandman: hit comic series created by Neil Gaiman, no jk it's a song by the Chordettes.
Jk he's a guy made of sand. civilian name is Flint Marko/William Baker/whatever
He was an avenger once
MYSTERIO: Special FX guy that turned evil because (idk) but you may remember him from that movie where he says "Tony Stark called my work barf"
HE'S MT FAVORITE, I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANY OTHER VILLAIN HERE.
Venom: when Spider-Man gets rid of an alien goo, the alien attaches itself to Eddie (not me) Brock, a news reporter. the symbiote stuff is kind of it's own thing but we still associate it with Spider-Man because it's just really cool seeing Spider-Man and Venom together and being besties. Also, venom has a perfect design, that's why they're in so many t-shirts, posters, comic covers and toys, you just look at them and think "wow, that is the coolest thing i've ever seen"
Black Cat: a cat burglar with white hair that is pretty cool, but please stop shipping her with Spider-Man, PLEASE.
Electro: Max Dillon was an electricist that got superpowers, but he chose to use them for evil because.
Kingpin: Wilson Fisk is a REALLY MUSCULAR GUY, So muscular that it looks like he's fat, but no, it's all muscle. Also he's bald. And he's a kingpin. And he's also a Daredevil Villain.
The Lizard: Florida man named Doctor Curt Connors doesn't have an arm, and he chooses to use lizard DNA to grow a new arm, but it goes wrong because now he's a big giant lizard. Doc Connors is Spider-Man's ally but the lizard is an evil monster.
Spider-Slayers: These huge contraptions are supposed to take down Spider-Man, but they suck shit because they always fail miserably.
Morbius: Yeah not gonna go there.
CHAPTER 4: Cartoonz
Believe it or not, Spider-Man isn't just a character in funny picture books, he's also been IN MOTION, and the next 2 chapters are about... Spider-Man on the move.
In 1966, Grantray-Lawrence Animation and Marvel made a deal so that they could produce cartoons about various Marvel Characters, well, i say they're cartoons, but in reality, they're just motion comics. They made """cartoons""" about Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Namor, Captain America and they put them all in one big Avengers TV show, but they didn't put Spider-Man in there because 1, Spider-Man is not on the Avengers, and 2, Spider-Man is better than the Avengers.
So, Grantray-Lawrence Animation was like "We're making a separate Spider-Man cartoon that is NOT a fucking motion comic." and in 1967, they released "Spider-Man", a cartoon show about... Well, what do you think?
The main character is Peter Parker, and he goes on crazy adventures, fighting some classic villains like Rhino, Doc Ock, Dr. Noah Boddy, those weird alien guys from the 5th dimension, and some other guys. It's a fun cartoon that still lives on through memes and Marvel making a shit ton of merchandise based on that one meme with the 2 Spider-Men pointing.
Show ended in 1970, meaning that there was absolutely no Spider-Man cartoon show in the 70's.
The 80s tho... We saw not one, not three, but 2 cartoons featuring our favorite web-slinger. Spider-Man (creative title, 1981) and Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends (WHAT?!?!?!, 1981)
These cartoons were both running at the same time, which caused absolutely 0 confusion for kids in the 80's.
Yeah, cool.
BUT THEN IN THE 90's, WE HAD 3 CARTOONS, WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH
One of them was educational and forgotten.
In 1994, Marvel was like "The X-Men cartoon is pretty successful, so let's make a cartoon about our cashcow, Spider-Man." and they got Fox Kids to make "Spider-Man: The Animated Series" and it was pretty awesome, it was comic accurate (most of the time) and it was just fun and good... But they faced a lot of problems, things like Marvel going bankrupt, and censorship, and all that, but that didn't seem to affect the quality of the show, up until like the final season. Also season 6 was canceled because Sony Pictures had aqquired the rights to make a Spider-Man movie, which meant that while Sony was making a motion picture, Fox Kids could not make a cartoon that depicted Spider-Man's origin, or Norman Osborn's Green Goblin.
But Fox still wanted to make a Spider-Man cartoon, so they made Spider-Man go to the Counter-Earth, also known as Midwest FurFest because there's a shit ton of anthropomorphic characters. The show lasted 13 episodes and ended on a cliffhanger, you'll be seeing that a lot in this chapter.
Eventually, the rights to make Spider-Man cartoons went back to Sony.
In 2002, Mainframe Animation was trying to make a cartoon based on the Ultimate Spider-Man comic series by Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Bagley, BUT after seeing that the Spider-Man movie was a huge hit, they were like "Let's make this series a sequel to the movie" and they decided to call it "Spider-Man: The New Animated Series", because it wasn't like that OLD and WRINKLY animated series, you see, this one was 3D, with cel-shading and all. It lasted 1 season, and all connections with the Spider-Man movie were scrapped as soon as Spider-Man 2 came out.
In 2006, Sony announced a new Direct-To-DVD division called Culver Entertainment, and they also announced 13 half-hour episodes of a new Spider-Man cartoon, while researching about this (thanks wikipedia) i discovered that crunchyroll is owned by sony, neat.
The Spectacular Spider-Man was announced in 2007, with a release date of early 2008, produced by Greg Weisman and Victor Cook, the guys that won't follow me on twitter. And Spider-Man is voiced by Josh Keaton, who did a great job, i don't really like this show but i still believe that everyone involved did a good job, it's just not for me.
The show is about Spider-Man, every show is about Spider-Man, everything here is about Spider-Man, as to be expected for a Spider-Man Day special.
Show was canceled and left on a cliffhanger. wow, never seen that one before.
In 2009, Disney bought Marvel, lol, but the Spider-Man animated rights still belonged to sony, so what are they gonna do? I don't know, it's too complex, but in 2011, Disney and Sony made an agreement, and they made a boring-ass legal document explaining that Sony can't make a Spider-Man animated show unless the episodes are longer than 40 minutes. How do i know this? In 2014, the document was leaked online because of a cyber-attack. Whoops!
In 2012, Disney made Ultimate Spider-Man, a TV show that was apparently inspired by the 2000 comic book, but it was pretty much its own thing. Fans are pretty divided when it comes to talking about this show, but me personally, i like the show.
Oh, and by the way, this show had a proper ending! Yoohoo! We're making progress!
Not talking about the 2017 show, it's boring as hell...
What am i talking about? This isn't a place to show my opinions... (except it kind of is...) It's not because i want to talk about this shit... (except, it kind of is...) But because i have to...
in 2016, this show was announced, in 2017, this show premiered, in 2018, this show was renewed for a second season, in 2019, this show got a 3rd season, and in 2020, this show ended, and no one cared. hey, this show ended just 2 days before i made my twitter page, wow.
In 2019, it was announced that for the first time in over 50 years, there would finally be a Spider-Man cartoon for preschoolers. a 3D animated cartoon about Spider-Man, with his friends Spider-Man and Spider-Woman.
4 years later, in 2022, the show finally premiered and it's still going to this day.
in June 2021, Marvel Studios announced a Spider-Man cartoon for Disney+, set in the MCU and at the time of writing this (July of 2024), there's only leaked pictures, 2 logos, 2 names, rumors about cancellation and that's about it.
That's it for cartoons, i didn't mention the Spider-Verse movies because those are not shows.
CHAPTER 5: MOVIES
Fuck you, i'm gonna make mashed potatoes and then come back. Don't keep reading until i come back, okay?
Alright i'm back.
Spider-Man, what a guy, you've seen him in funny picture books, you've seen him in cartoons, but you've never seen him in a movie theater...
In this chapter, i'm gonna explain to you 50+ Years of Spider-Man Movie History. But before i do that, i have to tell you guys that i'm having a lot of fun writing this post, it's because i get to yap about everything Spider-Man related and i'm gonna have a lot of fun writing this chapter because i love all the Spider-Man movies and i don't give a fuck about what anyone says.
In 1973, Marvel Comics started going too big, and they really wanted someone to make a Spider-Man movie.
They wanted to see Spider-Man as a real person... and we kinda sorta got that in 1974, when Marvel allowed Spider-Man to appear in The Electric Company, a kids TV show all about reading. (he was played by Danny Seagren, a puppeteer in the Muppets show)
He didn't talk with his voice, instead, he used thought bubbles and speech bubbles, meaning that if you couldn't read, you were fucked. This was the first official live-action Spider-Man, and everyone forgot him, how sad... But hey, at least he'll be remembered for his work on the Muppets.
In 1977, the Live Action Amazing Spider-Man TV Show came out, and it was.... ehhh... Nicholas Hammond's performance as Spider-Man was alright, but the rest of the show is way too comic book innaccurate, and there are no villains from the comics, because they wanted to make it more realistic, which is another way of saying that there wasn't enough budget.
We got 3 films, The Amazing Spider-Man (TV Pilot, yes this does count as a movie), Spider-Man Strikes Back (I think these were like 2 episodes of the show) and Spider-Man: The Dragon's Challenge (these were like the final episodes, i think)
Over in Japan though, they got something awesome, a completely different Spider-Man TV Show where he had a giant fucking robot and battled stuff and he was the best.
This series went on to inspire Super Sentai, and also led to the success of the Power Rangers. Neato!
We've had 1 kids tv segment, 1 American live action series, 1 super-mega-awesome Japanese TV show... But we haven't had a big budget feature film yet, and that needed to change.
Roger Corman was gonna direct Spider-Man but he didn't because reasons. This led to Marvel giving the Spider-Man rights to Cannon Films... If they didn't make a film by April of 1990, the rights would go back to Marvel.
So, Menahem Golan, and Yoram Globus were like "Sure we'll have your movie out in no time" and they hired Tobe Hooper to direct the movie. Sure, everything looks fine, let's see how they fucked up.
So, Golan and Globus didn't know who Spider-Man was and they thought that he was a guy that turns into a giant spider, they found out this wasn't the case after they hired Leslie Stevens to write a screenplay and then showed it to Marvel... Needless to say, they weren't very happy.
They then got Ted Newsom and John Brancato to make a script that didn't feature giant spiders. The accident that creates the radioactive spider that bites Peter also just so happened to cause Dr. Otto Octavius to become not normal, this idea was later reused for John Byrne's shitty ass Spider-Man Chapter One. Also Joe Zito was hired to direct.
Cannon was like "We have a writer and a director, 1 screenplay, and absolutely no footage, let's make a trailer" and they made a little trailer that they put on 1 vhs tape along with a few more trailers.
One actor considered for the role of Spider-Man was actor/stuntman Scott Leva, also known as the guy in that one live action Spider-Man comic cover.
Some mumbo-jumbo happened and Golam left to run 21st Century Film Corporation and didn't make a Spider-Man movie. Then they sold the rights to Columbia and DIDN'T make a movie. Cannon Films then died because they made Superman 4.
Then Carolco Pictures got the rights to make a Spider-Man movie because they were so easy to get back in the day, and James Cameron wrote a screenplay that featured violence, sex, death threats, Electro and Sandman, maybe Doc Ock, and red paper.
2000 legal battles later, all companies involved went bankrupt and died, except for Marvel, they somehow survived bankruptcy, but they sold the movie rights of a lot of their characters, and Spider-Man's movie rights went to Sony.
In 1999, Sony said "We're not like Cannon, or Carolco, we can actually make movies" and started working on the Spider-Man movie, they had David Fincher write the script but he thought "Spider-Man's origin is stupid" and went right into Gwen Stacy's death. His script wasn't chosen.
Chris Columbus was like "I can't direct Spider-Man, i'm directing Harry Potter".
Eventually they got Sam Raimi to direct the movie, because he was actually a fan of the comics. And they got David Koepp, writer of Jurassic Park, to make a few thousand script drafts.
Tobey Maguire was cast as the main character in July 2000, and the public's reaction was mixed. Lol, things never change.
When it was announced that Spider-Man would have organic webs, people were like "you can't fucking do that, you can't give him arm jizz" and tbh i kinda agree because that sounds fucking gross. Also i guess it was sorta confusing because they had already made mechanical web-shooters as props... look man, i wasn't there, i can't tell you why. But some fans made a site whining about it, Yes, i read things from that All Things Raimi Spider-Man guy. (NOTE: I do not condone following that guy, he hasn't done anything wrong, but i like being an asshole)
What really confused kid me was how Spider-Man shot organic webs through his gloves, how does he do that?
Willem Dafoe was cast as the Green Goblin, and he was a pretty good choice, he's pretty crazy. Kirsten Dunst was cast as Mary Jane one month before filming. Stanley Martin Lieber wanted to be J. Jonah Jameson but the people at sony thought he was too old, so they got J.K. Simmons instead. Yes, i read Wikipedia. They're pretty cool, you should donate to them.
Spider-Man is filmed and edited and released in theaters May 3rd, 2002, and people love it. The film follows the story of Peter Parker, who gets bitten by a spider (duh) and gets super powers and has to fight a goblin man, it's a good movie, one of my personal favorites.
Spider-Man was a huge hit, and those guys at Sony immediatly started working on a sequel, because there's no originality left in this world.
How are you gonna top the pure awesomeness of the first Spider-Man? Well, this one had everything, great plot, great characters, great soundtrack, great everything, really.
They started working on Doc Ock's character and his arms before they even had a script finished. When Alfred Molina was cast, people thought he was a perfect choice, and HE WAS, he was perfect.
Tobey had a back condition and he wasn't sure if he would be able to come back, so they got Jake Gyllenhaal to replace him, but Tobey got better and came back.
This movie adapts all sorts of classics, like Amazing Spider-Man #50 (Spider-Man: No More) Amazing Spider-Man #3 (Doc Ock's first appearance) and a couple more stories.
Spider-Man 2 released in theaters June 30th, 2004, and everyone loved it EVEN MORE, there's still some hardcore Spider-Man 2 fans all over the internet, so much that if you even say "shit movie" as a joke, everyone will tell you "you're just too young to understand it, all you know is tiktok and instagram." even though i've seen this movie 500 times and love every single second of it.
This movie was the first Spider-Man movie to win an Oscar. (Best VFX)
Spider-Man 2 was a huge hit, those money hungry fucks at Sony Pictures decided "Let's make a 3rd one, we need more money."
Oh man. Spider-Man 3 started development around 2005, and it was gonna be the best one yet, it was gonna have Harry Osborn as the New Goblin, Sandman and Vulture... But one fateful day, Avi Arad and Sam Raimi were discussing the plans for this movie and Avi was like "You know, the people want to see Venom" but Sam didn't really know shit about Venom... So Vulture was scrapped in favor of having Eddie Brock as the villain.
Topher Grace was cast as Venom, and Thomas Hayden Church was cast as the Sandman, filming began in 2006, and people were making theories like crazy, was Mysterio gonna be there? Was shocker gonna be there? No.
Fun Fact: one of the filming locations was in... Ohio...
Fun Fact 2: For a while, this was the most expensive movie of all time, they put a lot of money in the production, the VFX, the marketing, but not into the story apparently.
Spider-Man 3 was released in theaters on May 4th, 2007, only 9 days after i was born, wow. The movie was a huge hit in the box office, it was the highest grossing Spider-Man movie for a while until Far From Home came out. Critically though... People hated it, saying it was the worst Spider-Man movie, not enough Venom, Harry Goblin was stupid, and the dance scene was ridiculous...
Nowadays, people love this movie, it's not the best Spider-Man movie, but it's not bad. There's a lot of deleted scenes that should've been kept or at least released to the public, but since Spider-Man (2002), Sony and Marvel have been reluctant to release the scripts for Spider-Man movies, with the exception of No Way Home, which had a script created specifically for its release.
After Spider-Man 3 was absolutely fucking destroyed by critics and audiences, Sam Raimi wanted to make the next one better than all of them, he got a bunch of new writers to make scripts featuring Vulture, Kraven, Rhino, Mysterio (WHO WAS NOT PLAYED BY BRUCE CAMPBELL) but Sam didn't like any of them and decided to drop out of the project.
Sony then cancelled Spider-Man 4 in December of 2009* and they announced the cancellation in January of 2010. Also announcing that they were rebooting the franchise.
*My source is the video description of a Spider-Man 4 storyboard animatic by David E. Duncan, which has since been deleted, but archives of it exist somewhere, here's a screenshot of the og vimeo description, taken from the Internet Archive.
I wouldn't say this was the end of the Tobey Maguire Spider-Man flicks, as their legacy still lives on in pop culture and Sony is still releasing Raimi Spider-Man related things whenever they need more money.
So they immediately got to work on this new reboot, because if they don't release Spider-Man films every 5 years, they lose the rights, and if Sony can't make Spider-Man movies, they'll go bankrupt, and we wouldn't want the billionaire corporation to suffer now, would we?
Oh and there was also a shitty spider-man musical but that's a story for another day.
They considered getting David Fincher for the reboot but he declined again.
They got Marc Webb as the director, who had made not 2, not 3, but 1 movie in the past, 500 Days of Summer, how was he gonna direct a movie about the biggest superhero franchise in the world? I dunno.
Unlike the last iteration, this one was inspired by the 2000's comic series Ultimate Spider-Man, which was more realistic (yeah sure), more serious (for the most part) and really really good (in my opinion).
This movie was made after Dark Knight came out, in an era where superhero movies were dark and gritty.
They wanted this Spider-Man to be fresh and new and younger, so they auditioned a bunch of young actors for the part of Spider-Man, actors like Josh Hutcherson, and... uhm... others...
Andrew Garfield was cast as Spider-Man in July of 2010, and the public's reaction was probably mixed. Andrew was a British fan of the comics and the other movies, so he was a good choice for the role. Rhys Ifans was cast as Doctor Connors, who turns into a big green Lizard. Avi Arad claims that his favorite villain was Doctor Connors... I thought it was Venom but ok.
Contrary to the previous movies, the primary romantic interest was Gwen Stacy instead of Mary Jane Watson, and the role was portrayed by Emma Stone, and what a perfect choice.
Filming began on December of 2010 in Los Angeles, and they had the confusing working title of "Fiona's Tale"
Another working title they had was "Spider-Man in 3D" and they made a cool poster
They also filmed in New York for a bit, but then they decided to build a giant New York set, it was hyper-realistic.
They had a marketing campaign that was an ARG, it was called "Mark Of The Spider" and idk what it was about, i was only 4-almost-5 at the time.
The Amazing Spider-Man released in theaters July 3rd, 2012. And it was pretty well-recieved, i do not recall ever seeing it in theaters but i do remember seeing it on DVD and enjoying it. i had a Spider-Man halloween costume and a big figure that doesn't work anymore, and i also had some kellogg's toys.
Sidenote: Kellogg's Corn Flakes, they're so good
Anyways, Amazing Spider-Man was a success, and Sony wanted to make not just a sequel, but a whole fucking Spider-Man cinematic universe.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 started development, the villain they chose to put in the film was Electro, but they wanted to put 2 more villains, so they put Green Goblin and Rhino.
Jamie Foxx was cast as Electro, he was a good choice. Dane DeHaan was cast as harry Osborn, who would turn into the Green Goblin, and Paul Giamatti was cast as Rhino.
This sequel was also supposed to have Mary Jane Watson, played by Shailene Woodley, but her scenes were all cut because.
Filming began in February 2013 and it went alright i guess.
Marketing wasn't really big, i never saw a toy or a commercial or anything.
This was around the time that i started using YouTube, so i watched a lot of SevenWebHeads videos about this film and speculation about the next 400 Spider-Man movies, so i still got hyped.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 released in theaters May 2nd, 2014, and it was a box office success, but critically, people said it was the worst Spider-Man movie. The public opinion has changed, and this movie is loved by millions, myself included. But i can see the problems, they definitely tried to cram too much shit in there.
I went on a trip with my family and while we were there we went to the theater and watched this movie. My 7-year-old brain didn't know how to feel about Gwen's death.
This movie was a box-office hit, so that means that we're getting that Amazing Spider-Man 3, right?
Ok, let me talk to you about this film called "The Interview". Sony was about to release their film about 2 guys that were gonna kill Kim Jong Un, and the Guardians of Peace weren't very happy, so they threatened to hack Sony, but Sony dismissed it as just an angry fan or something. So, they got hacked. HARD.
Tons of shit was leaked, including info about the future of Spider-Man, that leaked document i was telling you about in the last chapter, and info about an animated Spider-Man film...
Amazing Spider-Man 3 was cancelled and so were all of the spin-offs, but Sony didn't give up in trying to make their own cinematic universe to compete with that other company. We'll see more later.
Sony and Marvel struck a deal to bring Spider-Man into the MCU for the first time.
In 2016, Andrew Garfield expressed that he felt heartbroken after getting fired from the Spider-Man movies. But it all ends well, don't you worry.
Marvel know-it-all Kevin Feige decided that telling the story of how Peter Parker gets bit by a spider AGAIN was not the way to go for this new Spider-Man and made him appear in Captain America: Civil War.
And they got a new British Spider-Man fan for this role, Actor Tom Holland, who was a perfect choice for a teen Spider-Man.
yeah, Spider-Man is in Civil War, and it's cool, and it's awesome, and everyone loves it. And a new Spider-Man movie is announced, get that movie ticket money read, cause you're gonna use it this summer 2017.
Jon Watts was hired as the director of this new movie and he's gonna do it right.
Michael Keaton was cast as the main villain, THE VULTURE.
I actually don't know where to keep writing from here so i'm just gonna say that Spider-Man: Homecoming came out on a certain day (July 7, 2017) and it was good. It was a success. But some internet morons are still divided over the depiction of Spider-Man in this movie.
I wouldn't be able to tell you any memories of me going to see this movie because i didn't watch this movie until they just played it on TV one day. This movie came out at a time where i just fell out of love with superheroes and i was more interested in other media franchises.
Meanwhile, the guys over at Sony Pictures Animation were working on making an animated Spidey flick, i'm honestly shocked it hadn't happened before, but whatever. What makes this movie different than the rest is that it's not a Peter Parker story, it's a Miles Morales story. Also, this flick was about the 2015 event "Spider-Verse", and they even got some comic writers involved, like Dan Slott and Brian Michael Bendis (GOATs, don't let twitter make you think otherwise)
Phil Lord Chris Miller said this would be like nothing we've ever seen before, which is what movie producers say about every single fucking movie in the history of ever.
Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman, and Bob Persichetti were chosen as directors, and they were gonna do a DANG GOOD job.
Shameik Moore was cast as Miles Morales, The Ultimate Spider-Man. Jake Johnson was cast as Peter Parker, Tobey Maguire was considered for the role but then they thought that would confuse audiences and just didn't. Hailee Steinfeld was cast as Gwen Stacy (the one with the powers)
The animation style was made so it could feel like a comic book, just to remind you guys that this movie is, in fact, about a comic book character. By the way, did you know that Spider-Man is a comic series? If it wasn't for this movie and its comic book-ish art style, i would've never found out.
The animation style was revolutionary, animated features were not the same since, and now they all look the same, don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
The film released in December 14, 2018 and it was very well received, so well received in fact that it won the Best Animated Feature award at the Oscars, making this the second Spider-Man movie to win an Oscar. It also won a Golden Globe.
This film was dedicated to Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, who had both passed away in 2018, though i'm not sure if Ditko would've appreciated this movie... But it was still a nice thing to do. but the less said about Stan Lee, the better.
But i'm not here to cancel a man that has been dead for 5 years, i'm here to talk about his "creation", Spider-Man.
2018 was a good year for Spider-Man, we had an animated feature, a Venom movie, Spider-Man was in the latest Avengers movie, a new Spider-Man game came out on the PS4, it was like you couldn't escape him.
Spider-Man became an Avenger in the 2018 hit "Avengers: Infinity War" and then shortly died in the same movie, a sad moment for fangirls everywhere. But i was smart enough to know that he would eventually come back, and he did, in the highest grossing movie of 2019, "Avengers: Endgame"
But that wasn't the end of the MCU, that was just the end of the Infinity Saga, which means that the story must go on, and it's still going.
Marvel Studios' Spider-Man 2 was announced, and Tom Holland got a script on his iPad, which he then showed to the entire world by accident, and that revealed the title of this new flick, it was called "Spider-Man: Far From Home" and the plot was gonna take our hero Spider-Man, far from home and onto Europe, taking place after the events of Endgame.
Jake Gyllenhaal was cast as the main villain, MYSTERIO, this version tho, he used to be an employee at Stark Industries, and he had an idea to make VFX drones but he called it BARF and Quentin didn't like that very much, so he decides to kill Iron Man, but Iron Man is dead so he decides to kill the next best thing, Spider-Man.
The movie was released in June 26, 2019, but it was released in July 4th here in Mexico, either way, i went to see this movie because i was so fucking hyped. And i had a good time, not just watching a good movie, but also spending time with my cousins.
The post-credit scene teased what was gonna happen in the next movie, Peter Parker's identity is revealed and he is also framed for murder... How is he gonna get out of this one?
Later that year, Sony and Disney had a little fight, which resulted in no more MCU Spider-Man films, which meant that this next film was probably getting canned... This is like a curse.
But one drunk phone call later and Tom Holland fixed the deal, and we have to thank him for that.
Marvel Studios' Spider-Man 3 was announced, but we all knew it was gonna happen, they sort of had to make it. No title leaks this time and barely any leaks at all... for the most part.
The movie was supposed to come out on November 2021 but then the unthinkable happened and it was delayed to December 17, 2021, not a huge delay, but it still meant we had to wait more.
Filming began in October 2020, under the working title of Serenity Now. Cool.
Sony thought it would be really funny if they announced 3 different titles for this movie, we got such great titles like "Spider-Man: Home-Wrecker", "Spider-Man: Home Slice" and "Spider-Man: Phone Home"... Not everyone thought it was funny. One day later, we got an official title, "Spider-Man: No Way Home". I couldn't have thought of something better myself.
We had little to no information, we had the title, some set photos, but no trailer, no poster, no nothing, zilch, nada.
Until one day, the trailer was leaked on tiktok via a video of a phone recording a phone recording a computer playing a trailer. The trailer showed... something, idk it was hard to see.
Sony was forced to release the trailer one day later, and it was the same, but finished and in a quality that doesn't make you want to die.
And hype for this movie was HUGE, everywhere you went, there was at least some fucko talking about the new Spider-Man movie, you could not escape this movie.
Spider-Man: No Way Home released on December 17, 2021, and i remember it like it was yesterday, opening the YouTube homepage and instantly getting spoiled on the appearances of Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield (Not a smart move on my part), but i still enjoyed the movie regardless
This movie was a huge hit and became the highest grossing Spider-Man movie, some say this film saved cinemans, imagine, 100 smelly Spider-Man fans in one room watching this movie, setting aside their differences and enjoying a movie... sucks that we're never seeing that again, but it was fun while it lasted.
The Academy Awards made a new category specifically for this movie, the "Best Hype Moment" award, and they couldn't fucking give it to Spider-Man because the Justice League won, let's just face it, we cannot escape Z*ck Sn*der. We'll be hearing about that man and his shitty fucking movies until the day we all die.
This movie kickstarted the MULTIVERSE SAGA, and it fucked everything up, not just the MCU, but EVERY MEDIA FRANCHISE. Everyone and their mother was talking about the fucking multiverse, and i'm sick of it.
We still have to talk about the Spider-Verse sequel!
In 2019, the Spider-Verse twitter posted a teaser showing the graffiti spider but in different styles, like it was traveling through universes and also the number 2022, what did this mean? It meant a sequel, what else would it mean?
days before No Way Home came out, we got a clip showing Miles and Gwen meeting again, and then it cuts to Spider-Man 2099 chasing Miles' Spider-Man.
Movie kept getting delayed because
It eventually released on June 2nd, 2023 and apparently my family didn't know because i didn't see this movie until like 2 weeks later, which sucked for me because an old friend of mine spoiled the movie for me. I'd tell him to fuck off right now but he doesn't read my site, and even then i doubt he would read this 20+ minute read.
People all over the internet were like "This movie fixed my car, fixed my marriage, bought me a new iPhone, gave me a hundred dollars, and now it's my best friend, best Spider-Man movie ever, the rest suck ass."
But when i watched this movie, i felt... empty? I didn't hate it, in fact, i loved it, but i think the people on the internet were hyping it up way too much... But my favorite youtuber was streaming after i left the theater, which was nice.
They're currently working on Beyond The Spider-Verse and the next MCU Spider-Man movie, and there's also the Venom movies, and all that new stuff.
Sony also released Morbius and Madame Web and the 2 venom flicks but i haven't seen Morbius and Madame Web and this could be a separate post so i'm not talking about them.
The future of Spider-Man films is looking as bright as a broken lightbulb but we can hope that the next Spider-Man movie is good, and we can only hope that they find a director before they start filming in a few months. And we should also hope that they find a new marketing guy because the marketing for the last movie sucked ass.
CHAPTER WHO CARES (6): Video Games.
No.
Chapter 7: Spider-Man's impact on society.
Spider-Man has had a mixed impact on this world, on one hand, his story inspires many to be better and try their best, but on the other hand, Spider-Man fans are all dumb shitheads.
When the Amazing Spider-Man comic series debuted, it instantly became a huge hit with teens, kids, weird adults, everyone was reading it, then he got a cartoon, then he got movies, then he got toys, Spider-Man became a pop culture icon, so much so that he got to be a BALLOON in the Macy's Thanksgiving parade from 1987 to 1998
But the character was so cool that they just brought him back in 2009. Wow, he just can't go away.
He's been in food packaging, school supplies, t-shirts, credit cards, plushies (please stop making plushies) there's a Spider-Man thing for everybody... unless you're a huge hater... idk...
But you can't deny that if a product exists, there's a Spider-Man version of it, and it doesn't necessarily have to be officially licensed.
Everyone loves Spider-Man... but why? Well, he was originally made for teens to relate to, a story about a guy that has super powers, but still has to live a normal life like the rest of us, that is what sets him apart from all the other 2349523482 superheroes out there.
When you're a kid, you enjoy Spider-Man because he's a cool superhero, when you get older, you still enjoy these stories because the stories are complex and relatable... AND because he's a cool superhero, that's why his stories never get old.
Some people say "you're too old to be watching Spider-Man" but they don't realize that Spider-Man isn't just a superhero fighting bad guys, it's a story about life and how tough it can be sometimes. We look at these stories to relate to him, and to look at capeshit.
When people tell you "You're too old to be buying Spider-Man plushies" they are right, listen to them, stop buying that shit.
CONCLUSION:
Spider-Man is great, we can hope that his stories continue bringing happiness to the world, there's a Spider-Man story for everybody, much like how there is a Spider-Man for everybody, it could be Peter, or Miles, or Ben, or any of the 50000 Spider-Women, anyone can wear the mask.
You can learn many things from looking at Spider-Man stuff, but the main thing to take away is that with great power, there must also come great responsibility.
Thank you for joining me in this Spider-Man Day 2024 special, a celebration of my favorite franchise ever. I don't know what i'm gonna talk about next year but now is not the time to worry about that.
Kofi (donations will go towards my bro, who doesn't like Spider-Man as much as i do)
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