Well, today is the last day that i don't know what a DOTS candy tastes like. I'm here to tell you my thoughts on this DOTS candy i just purchased at my local candy store.
The green one tastes exactly like how i imagine the color green would taste like. I like it. Green DOT gets a 90/100
The yellow one tastes kinda weird tbh, but i still like it, it gets a 7/10.
The orange one tastes only a little bit like orange and a lot like chemicals. 6/10
this red one... I don't know what it's supposed to taste like. 7/10. according to the box they all should taste like fruits, but idk man, they all taste similar. After doing the math, DOTS gets an 8/10.
Oh, and i also watched this movie! But first, let me tell you the backstory of this movie and the backstory of me watching this movie.
So there's this guy called Ralph Bakshi and he's a cartoon guy, one day he woke up and said "hell naw bruh cartoons can be for adults, blud knows nothing, i'm the skibidi ohio sigma here" and made cartoons that were weird, political, "adult", and racist sometimes. most of his animated films were well-recieved and people liked them.
So then he made this movie called Cool World, and it's something.
Let's hear what the people have to say about this film. Here's what the people at IMDb think
Well, that's a bit of a low rating. What does Rotten Tomatoes have to say?
Wooooowww... That's like, SUPER low.
Let's hear what Siskel and Ebert said... They didn't like it.
What do i have to say? Lemme tell you...
This movie was a fucking nightmare to watch, not because of the plot (we'll get to that later) but because of the availability of this film, i had to look through countless google searches, and not once did i think about using page 2 of google. The film is available for purchase on YouTube but not here in Mexico... FUCK. So then I gave up and went to KimCartoon, also known as KissCartoon, also known as "CLICK HERE IF YOU WANT A VIRUS!!!" and they just so happened to have this film in there, which is not surprising because this site has literally every cartoon ever and on the highest quality ever, but i do not endorse using this site without an Ad-Blocker because you'll get redirected to 30000 scam sites.
Downloading this movie took me like 2 hours, but that's a me problem. How was it like actually watching the movie? Well, it was... a thing.
The film is about the "Cool World" also known as "The Doodle World" which is a place where all of the cool cartoons live, and there's also the REAL WORLD, SHIT JUST GOT REAL. And there's this WW2 Veteran named Frank Harris, who is played by Brad Pitt, he got transported to the doodle world after a motorbike accident and he now just works there as a really awesome detective.
There's also this guy named Jack, played by Gabriel Byrne, Jack is a cartoonist in prison who creates a comic book called... You won't believe what it's called... It's called Cool World (DUDE HOLY SHIT THATS THE TITLE OF THE MOVIEEE) and like he gets released from prison because (i forgot) and goes home. But like one day he draws a GIRL and then the drawing comes to life and transports Jack to the Cool World.
This GIRL is called Holli Would, played by Kim Basinger, and lemme tell ya, this GIRL, is CRAZY. This doodle wants to go to the REAL WORLD and LIVE AS A HUMAN. That's crazy, i almost give a shit.
Lemme explain how the cool world works. So, it all looks TWISTED and DARK, and it looks like it could be a level in Shadow The Hedgehog for the GameCube. There's cartoon physics, which is something you'd expect from a cartoon world. Like, these cartoon guys, they call real people "Noids" which made me wonder, is Domino's Pizza canon in this universe? and that's a stupid question, Domino's is canon in EVERY UNIVERSE.
So like Jack and Frank meet up for the first time and Frank explains to Jack "You can't fuck cartoons bruh, i'm not gonna tell you what happens, just don't" and Jack doesn't listen and fucks the cartoon anyways. So apparently if you fuck a cartoon, the cartoon becomes human but then it fucks up YOUR life and the cartoon's life. The OG premise was about a """"Noid"""" and a cartoon having a child, but the child is a horrible abomination that tries to kill the Noid, and to be honest, i think i would've preferred this premise over what actually happens in the film.
Ok so like they go back to the real world and Holli tries to merge the two worlds together and Jack and Frank and this other cartoon guy have to stop her. But then the weird-ass animation attacks and that's the part where i stop giving a shit. Frank gets killed by Holli (RIP bozo), this will be important later. and like everything gets fixed and it's all good now.
Dude the final scene is total fucking bullshit because... If a cartoon kills a noid, THE NOID BECOMES A FUCKING CARTOON, DUDE COME ON. So Frank and his Waifu live happily ever after and Jack and Holli don't live happily ever after, bruh.
That movie was fucking crazy, did you like my synopsis? I don't care if you did or didn't. It's time for me to tell you what i like and what i didn't like about this movie.
I liked the animation, it looks great :D the visual effects are great and the studio put a lot of effort on it, i think that's cool. I also like that some of the visuals are WEIRD AND WACKY, it's Bakshi's style! I like it :D
What i didn't like: The story is fucking boring, confusing, hard to follow and REALLY stupid sometimes. The ending is bullshit, i stubbed my toe on my way to watch it and I'M OUT OF DOTS CANDY!
Another thing I wanted to talk about, the title. It's called Cool World, this could be the name for any movie or literally any piece of media ever, you see the title and think: "this could be anything" you don't know what to expect. I think it's lazy. They could've called it "Doodle World" or something like that. Idk maybe I'm just crazy.
So, this film... This was not it, not the best film i've ever seen, but not the worst thing ever. Check it out if you like being confused. 50/100.
What did i enjoy more? A tasty candy or the death of society? Idk, which one had the higher rating? The candy, i enjoyed the candy more, the candy wasn't a pain in the ass to find.
You may think that the review is over, but i still gotta talk about 2 more things, 1 is the Cool World SNES Game, i've played it.... It's alright? idk. I didn't really understand it, it was too confusing for me.
The next thing i wanna talk about is the DC Comic made to promote the movie... I couldn't find it. 0/10
Review's over, leave comments on eddiespiderplushfanmail@gmail.com and leave donations on my ko-fi (all donations go to my brother)
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